Whilst taking a breather after mowing the lawn, the random shuffle on my MP3 player brought up a song by Paul Field, Time and time again, which I think was intended to be used as a prayer of confession. It certainly summed up my mood of the moment - a realisation that "time and time again I'm a stranger to your love; time and time again I'm just not strong enough." One of the reasons we keep having to confess our sins is that we keep falling short of God's hopes for us and our hopes for ourselves.
Then the thought struck me: Should I therefore be resigned to a perpetual sense of failure and guilt? I know the gospel is all about forgiveness. I know that Jesus welcomes us in our brokenness. I know that we are set free from sin and guilt. I know that we are not perfect and keep making the same mistakes over and over. I know we should be relying on God's strength rather than our own. I know humility is a virtue. But.
But is constantly falling over and being picked up again the best I can look forward to? Is that what Jesus meant when he said he had come so we could have life to the full? The whole point of being forgiven is that I can go through life with head held high and heart brimming with joy. Issues of sin and guilt are bound to appear from time to time, but they ought to be dealt with quickly and thoroughly. They should not be my constant companions.
So what if my old familiar faults have caught me out yet again. They are forgiven. They have no hold on me. Life is good. God is great. I should be celebrating the fruits of the Spirit, not bemoaning the occasional persistent weed.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Monday, 14 July 2008
Ordination celebrations
Last Sunday I had the privilege of laying a hand (along with the president of the Methodist conference and a bishop from Cuba) on the head of a friend and colleague as she was ordained into the Methodist ministry. The day had several memorable moments - rainbow flags leading the procession into conference; hymns introduced by a precentor and sung unaccompanied; the wonderfully worded motion to receive the ordinands, which included the number reference of the motion and the page number of the conference agenda (only Methodists could incorporate such precise details into such a solemn moment!); the coachload of visitors from my previous church who were co-incidentally there to see their current minister ordained; the applause for the newly ordained ministers which went on and on, and some of their faces as they struggled not to cry; meetings with old friends, including a fellow minister whom I have not seen since we were undergraduate students together in Durham - to name but a few.
Last night our circuit had its own celebration, including an uplifting testimony from the new minister and a simple but moving address from the guest preacher. Both these occasions have reminded me of my own call to ministry - and to some extent shamed me into the realisation of how lightly I treat my call. I enjoy life, yes. I am friendly to those I meet, yes. I get the essentials of ministry done (even if at the last minute), yes. But where is the passion to transform lives? Where is the urge to give and not count the cost? Where is the conviction that day by day I am helping to establish the kingdom of God?
One reason for returning to this blog after a time of absence is that I need the motivation to get a grip on my life. I've been cruising along nicely for a few weeks. I've had an extended break with S (visiting friends before, and family after the day of ordination). I've had a relatively busy time with meetings and such like to organise. I've done little pastoral work. I've let the backlog of jobs accumulate to the extent that it is horribly out of hand. I've postponed the really important issues. I've not spent much time with God.
This coming week in general, and today in particular, is a gift from God. I have no evening meetings. The only urgent things I am aware of are next week's services and putting together the first preaching plan of our new circuit. Therefore I will have time to tackle that vital category of 'important but not urgent'. But today I have one simple ambition - to seize control of my workload. If I can reach teatime with a clear desk, two empty intrays (physical and email) and a realistic list of future actions, then I shall be a deliriously happy bunny.
Last night our circuit had its own celebration, including an uplifting testimony from the new minister and a simple but moving address from the guest preacher. Both these occasions have reminded me of my own call to ministry - and to some extent shamed me into the realisation of how lightly I treat my call. I enjoy life, yes. I am friendly to those I meet, yes. I get the essentials of ministry done (even if at the last minute), yes. But where is the passion to transform lives? Where is the urge to give and not count the cost? Where is the conviction that day by day I am helping to establish the kingdom of God?
One reason for returning to this blog after a time of absence is that I need the motivation to get a grip on my life. I've been cruising along nicely for a few weeks. I've had an extended break with S (visiting friends before, and family after the day of ordination). I've had a relatively busy time with meetings and such like to organise. I've done little pastoral work. I've let the backlog of jobs accumulate to the extent that it is horribly out of hand. I've postponed the really important issues. I've not spent much time with God.
This coming week in general, and today in particular, is a gift from God. I have no evening meetings. The only urgent things I am aware of are next week's services and putting together the first preaching plan of our new circuit. Therefore I will have time to tackle that vital category of 'important but not urgent'. But today I have one simple ambition - to seize control of my workload. If I can reach teatime with a clear desk, two empty intrays (physical and email) and a realistic list of future actions, then I shall be a deliriously happy bunny.
- Outcome: YES. My list of jobs to do is as long as ever, but at least I have a clear and well-ordered space (if you don't look at the piles of stuff on the study floor) in which to work.
Monday, 9 June 2008
How to frighten your family
Yesterday's parade service was very well-received by the congregation. The leaders told me that they didn't have to stop the children fidgeting. The adults enjoyed it. Lots of people were involved. The guides and brownies performed a lovely song. No-one complained that it overran the hour.
The only criticism I had was from my wife and daughter. They knew what most didn't - that the bread bin I had brought out contained a hamster. So they thought I was being way too reckless leaving it balanced on the communion rail whilst hordes of children milled around. I was actually being very careful, but they spent ten minutes worried sick about the danger to the poor creature. They were much relieved when I finally opened the bread bin to reveal a safe and healthy hamster.
The only criticism I had was from my wife and daughter. They knew what most didn't - that the bread bin I had brought out contained a hamster. So they thought I was being way too reckless leaving it balanced on the communion rail whilst hordes of children milled around. I was actually being very careful, but they spent ten minutes worried sick about the danger to the poor creature. They were much relieved when I finally opened the bread bin to reveal a safe and healthy hamster.
Time for a re-think?
This blog began as an experiment in on-line spiritual journaling. Has it been a success?
a) I have not been consistent or regular in my posts. When life has been busy and there has potentially been lots worth recording, I haven't had the time to do so.
b) I have tried to remain honest and open but without giving away sensitive pastoral secrets. But is it such a good idea to bare my soul in public. What happens, for example, when I move to a new church and some people investigate their new minister on the internet? Do I want this blog to be the first impression they have of me? Also, there have been times when important and significant things have happened in my life which are simply not appropriate for a blog.
c) Who reads this? Anyone? And if they do, is it helpful to them? Or am I writing merely for my own amusement?
d) I thought a blog might be a good place to keep track of significant spiritual ideas. Today, for example, I read a fascinating article entitled "How responding to people's needs hurts the church" but am not sure what to do about it. It's not quite the right subject for a sermon. Do I email it to key people in the church? Do I use it as a discussion starter in a meeting? Do I find some way (such as this blog) to record the concept in case it will come in useful one day? Do I simply let the ideas join the vast melting pot of ideas bubbling away in my subconscious?
e) Is this blog helpful to my spiritual growth? Does it motivate me to spend time in prayer and study? Does it matter whether I ever browse back through earlier entries?
Some of these questions are almost rhetorical. Others deserve more thought than I have time for right now. The experiment continues...
a) I have not been consistent or regular in my posts. When life has been busy and there has potentially been lots worth recording, I haven't had the time to do so.
b) I have tried to remain honest and open but without giving away sensitive pastoral secrets. But is it such a good idea to bare my soul in public. What happens, for example, when I move to a new church and some people investigate their new minister on the internet? Do I want this blog to be the first impression they have of me? Also, there have been times when important and significant things have happened in my life which are simply not appropriate for a blog.
c) Who reads this? Anyone? And if they do, is it helpful to them? Or am I writing merely for my own amusement?
d) I thought a blog might be a good place to keep track of significant spiritual ideas. Today, for example, I read a fascinating article entitled "How responding to people's needs hurts the church" but am not sure what to do about it. It's not quite the right subject for a sermon. Do I email it to key people in the church? Do I use it as a discussion starter in a meeting? Do I find some way (such as this blog) to record the concept in case it will come in useful one day? Do I simply let the ideas join the vast melting pot of ideas bubbling away in my subconscious?
e) Is this blog helpful to my spiritual growth? Does it motivate me to spend time in prayer and study? Does it matter whether I ever browse back through earlier entries?
Some of these questions are almost rhetorical. Others deserve more thought than I have time for right now. The experiment continues...
Friday, 30 May 2008
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away
Yesterday I had a big disappointment. For some weeks I have been considering a five day leadership course in November organised by the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship. Although I don’t see myself as part of the charismatic movement, I have some sympathy with it and have been in enough ‘charismatic’ meetings to feel comfortable with the general ethos and atmosphere. In any case, going to something outside my usual experience might be just the thing to give me spiritual inspiration. Also, the course is being promoted through Methodist channels so I wouldn’t be an outsider. And the clinching factor is that my recent rewarding experiences with Street Pastor training (see earlier blogs here and here) came from the same school of thought.
So I’ve been looking forward to this course right up to the point where I sat down to book a place. Then I discovered it clashes with certain family arrangements which mean it will be a bad time to be away from home.
In coming to terms with my disappointment my first thought was this. “Lord, how can you dangle in front of me some encouraging, challenging and uplifting experience and then whisk it away? You’d better have something even better in mind!”
My later thoughts were, “Lord, are you trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be pinning my hopes on some conference as the solution to all my problems? Perhaps I shouldn’t be waiting until November to sort out my spiritual malaise but discovering a renewed sense of love for God here and now.”
So I’m pretty much over my disappointment by today. (One advantage with not being a deeply emotional person – I don’t sink too deep and bob back to the surface fairly quickly.) Instead I am beginning to feel new anticipation. Either God is throwing me back on my own resources to pull my socks up and make a go of life. Or God has something planned which will be even better than the course I can’t attend. Or both. Watch this space.
So I’ve been looking forward to this course right up to the point where I sat down to book a place. Then I discovered it clashes with certain family arrangements which mean it will be a bad time to be away from home.
In coming to terms with my disappointment my first thought was this. “Lord, how can you dangle in front of me some encouraging, challenging and uplifting experience and then whisk it away? You’d better have something even better in mind!”
My later thoughts were, “Lord, are you trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be pinning my hopes on some conference as the solution to all my problems? Perhaps I shouldn’t be waiting until November to sort out my spiritual malaise but discovering a renewed sense of love for God here and now.”
So I’m pretty much over my disappointment by today. (One advantage with not being a deeply emotional person – I don’t sink too deep and bob back to the surface fairly quickly.) Instead I am beginning to feel new anticipation. Either God is throwing me back on my own resources to pull my socks up and make a go of life. Or God has something planned which will be even better than the course I can’t attend. Or both. Watch this space.
Friday, 23 May 2008
Work smarter not harder - but how?
I am not getting things done as well as I should. My life and work seem to be spiralling out of control. I realise I need to do things differently, but how?
Sharpening the axe. I’m a great believer in giving time to ‘preparing the tools’. If I commit time to creating a well-ordered work place with a tidily categorised list of tasks, then I feel better in myself, I work better and I get the jobs done in less time overall than if I just pitch into the chaos and thrash around. The trouble is that in recent weeks the influx of email and post have created so much clutter that I am spending many hours sharpening the axe without even getting it really sharp, let alone using it to chop trees.
Focusing on the important rather than the urgent. I know the principle. Those things which are important, but have no clear deadlines – they don’t actually need to be done today, or even this week – ought to have priority. But when it comes to a choice between preparing tonight’s meeting or visiting someone who could be visited another day, it is usually the urgent task that gets the priority. I am already going into meetings, or even services, feeling that I am under-prepared. If I cut down on preparation time in favour of more important (but less urgent) activities, then I will end up winging it in meetings even more than I do now.
Avoiding time-wasting leisure. I know there is a proper place for relaxation and personal refreshment in anybody’s life, and that constant work can be counterproductive if it leads to stress, ill health and early ‘burn out’. But I could easily add an hour or two here and there to my working life if I cut down on certain distractions. This may not be a complete solution to my problems, but it would reduce the sense of guilt. I would avoid the current situation where I feel that one wasted hour is to blame for not fulfilling all my tasks, when actually I would have needed many additional hours to complete them.
Prayer and spiritual nourishment. Again I know the principle – the more one has to accomplish, the more one has to pray. The reality is that I have been ‘too busy’ for some weeks to devote any serious time to prayer – though I have not been too busy for lots of other less important matters.
So what’s the answer? Probably the simplest approach is the best – decide at any given moment what is the most important thing to be doing and then do it. It’s a good principle. I just need the mental discipline to follow it. Which means the most important thing right now is to pray...
Sharpening the axe. I’m a great believer in giving time to ‘preparing the tools’. If I commit time to creating a well-ordered work place with a tidily categorised list of tasks, then I feel better in myself, I work better and I get the jobs done in less time overall than if I just pitch into the chaos and thrash around. The trouble is that in recent weeks the influx of email and post have created so much clutter that I am spending many hours sharpening the axe without even getting it really sharp, let alone using it to chop trees.
Focusing on the important rather than the urgent. I know the principle. Those things which are important, but have no clear deadlines – they don’t actually need to be done today, or even this week – ought to have priority. But when it comes to a choice between preparing tonight’s meeting or visiting someone who could be visited another day, it is usually the urgent task that gets the priority. I am already going into meetings, or even services, feeling that I am under-prepared. If I cut down on preparation time in favour of more important (but less urgent) activities, then I will end up winging it in meetings even more than I do now.
Avoiding time-wasting leisure. I know there is a proper place for relaxation and personal refreshment in anybody’s life, and that constant work can be counterproductive if it leads to stress, ill health and early ‘burn out’. But I could easily add an hour or two here and there to my working life if I cut down on certain distractions. This may not be a complete solution to my problems, but it would reduce the sense of guilt. I would avoid the current situation where I feel that one wasted hour is to blame for not fulfilling all my tasks, when actually I would have needed many additional hours to complete them.
Prayer and spiritual nourishment. Again I know the principle – the more one has to accomplish, the more one has to pray. The reality is that I have been ‘too busy’ for some weeks to devote any serious time to prayer – though I have not been too busy for lots of other less important matters.
So what’s the answer? Probably the simplest approach is the best – decide at any given moment what is the most important thing to be doing and then do it. It’s a good principle. I just need the mental discipline to follow it. Which means the most important thing right now is to pray...
Friday, 2 May 2008
Pausing to admire the view
We returned yesterday from a four day break visiting our son in Macclesfield. During this visit we walked up some steep hills and enjoyed some spectacular views. A few of these great views were when we paused to rest, and instead of looking at the ascent still ahead of us we turned and appreciated how far we had already climbed.
So, not having blogged for a while, it's time for a brief pause to admire the big picture, and it's generally positive. I've been in good health for a long time now, though my weight this morning is vastly more than I'd like it to be - in fact I can't offhand remember being any heavier than I am now. Family relationships continue to be good - any disagreements are over minor issues, which I reckon must indicate a generally contented family. I've produced a few stirring sermons (according to feedback afterwards) alongside the run-of-the-mill (and the not-really-up-to-scratch) stuff. There is a groundswell of enthusiasm in the church to do something dramatic with our children and young people. I've been keeping on top of admin, though not enough to clear my backlog of tasks, or to be very proactive in important matters.
Spiritually (and this is supposed to be a spiritual journal), I've been barely ticking along. I'm probably too content with my lot. There's no pressure to launch out in faith. I've got enough knowledge and experience to do all the spiritual things ministers are supposed to do - preach, lead in prayer, explain the Bible, support the faithful - but I don't find myself driven to my knees in desperate intercessory prayer; I don't go rushing eagerly to the Bible in anticipation of an encounter with God; I don't put my every waking effort into bringing the kingdom of God into my local community.
In spiritual terms, there's not much of a view behind me. I have a lot further to climb first. Today I need to diverge from the easy level path and put in some effort to heading upwards.
So, not having blogged for a while, it's time for a brief pause to admire the big picture, and it's generally positive. I've been in good health for a long time now, though my weight this morning is vastly more than I'd like it to be - in fact I can't offhand remember being any heavier than I am now. Family relationships continue to be good - any disagreements are over minor issues, which I reckon must indicate a generally contented family. I've produced a few stirring sermons (according to feedback afterwards) alongside the run-of-the-mill (and the not-really-up-to-scratch) stuff. There is a groundswell of enthusiasm in the church to do something dramatic with our children and young people. I've been keeping on top of admin, though not enough to clear my backlog of tasks, or to be very proactive in important matters.
Spiritually (and this is supposed to be a spiritual journal), I've been barely ticking along. I'm probably too content with my lot. There's no pressure to launch out in faith. I've got enough knowledge and experience to do all the spiritual things ministers are supposed to do - preach, lead in prayer, explain the Bible, support the faithful - but I don't find myself driven to my knees in desperate intercessory prayer; I don't go rushing eagerly to the Bible in anticipation of an encounter with God; I don't put my every waking effort into bringing the kingdom of God into my local community.
In spiritual terms, there's not much of a view behind me. I have a lot further to climb first. Today I need to diverge from the easy level path and put in some effort to heading upwards.
Saturday, 12 April 2008
The voice of prog rock
I am convinced that God can speak using a wide variety of means. This teatime he spoke to me through the lyrics of a prog rock track. I was wandering the streets getting a bit of exercise and enjoying a live album by Spock's Beard. Suddenly the repeated words turned into the voice of Jesus challenging me to give up my own futile efforts and trust him.
"Don't you want to live my way?" he said to me. "Why do you want to keep trying? You never get it right!" And then the punchline "...when you could be living day for night."
This message doesn't look much when put into cold hard print (or even cold hard pixels), but as it hit me earlier, it was a challenge I needed to hear. Spiritually speaking I spend too much time stumbling around in the dark. Instead of just trying harder, I ought to be responding to the invitation of Jesus - live his way and it will be like walking in the light.
"Don't you want to live my way?" he said to me. "Why do you want to keep trying? You never get it right!" And then the punchline "...when you could be living day for night."
This message doesn't look much when put into cold hard print (or even cold hard pixels), but as it hit me earlier, it was a challenge I needed to hear. Spiritually speaking I spend too much time stumbling around in the dark. Instead of just trying harder, I ought to be responding to the invitation of Jesus - live his way and it will be like walking in the light.
Thursday, 27 March 2008
Reduced to Love
I've just returned from our monthly Street Pastor meeting where we have listened to a Canadian lady (on CD) talk about love. What she had to say was highly applicable not just for the occasional Friday evening on the street but for all my interactions with other people.
I need to see others as God sees them. To recognise in them a beautiful human being full of potential and with a glorious eternal destiny ahead of them. I should not see them as a 'target' to be saved, redeemed or reformed. I should definitely not see them as an 'undesirable' to be condemned or punished. My overwhelming attitude should be one of love. I should long to see them blessed - in whatever way they can cope with at the moment, rather than some form of blessing I would personally approve of. The speaker told a story of how God prompted her to give 20 dollars to a prostitute as a gift to help her have a 'better day'. The prostitute said, "you know what I am? You know what I'll spend this on?" (i.e. a heroin fix) and the speaker admitted she knew all that but still insisted the money was a gift from God with no strings attached. The moral of this story is not to give all my money away, but to love unconditionally, to have God's heart for anyone and everyone I meet.
I need to see others as God sees them. To recognise in them a beautiful human being full of potential and with a glorious eternal destiny ahead of them. I should not see them as a 'target' to be saved, redeemed or reformed. I should definitely not see them as an 'undesirable' to be condemned or punished. My overwhelming attitude should be one of love. I should long to see them blessed - in whatever way they can cope with at the moment, rather than some form of blessing I would personally approve of. The speaker told a story of how God prompted her to give 20 dollars to a prostitute as a gift to help her have a 'better day'. The prostitute said, "you know what I am? You know what I'll spend this on?" (i.e. a heroin fix) and the speaker admitted she knew all that but still insisted the money was a gift from God with no strings attached. The moral of this story is not to give all my money away, but to love unconditionally, to have God's heart for anyone and everyone I meet.
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
Run! Don't walk.
The paper this morning had an article about taking a thirty minute brisk walk four or five times a week, preferably with half-minute bursts of sprinting every now and then to really push yourself hard. The benefits are greater health, more energy, happier, brainier, calmer and countless other blessings. Hebrews 12 begins with an encouragement to throw off anything that entangles and get running.OK, so I'm a brisk walker rather than a jogger, but the principle's the same. Being energetic, pushing myself, gettting out of breath - it's a good thing. I actually feel good when I do it. The same applies when I raise my mental or spiritual efforts to the equivalent of an energetic walk, or even a flat-out run. So why do I spend my time taking the easy way out? Why do I look forward to the moments in the day when I can idle time away with a relaxing book or undemanding TV? Why do I prefer spiritual drifting to spiritual challenge?
Lord, help me to put some effort into physical, mental and spiritual activities. Help me enjoy expending my energies in these ways. Help me discover that life can be wonderful when taken at a brisk pace. I already appreciate the quiet breaks between exertions. Help me to find joy in the exertions too.
Monday, 24 March 2008
Getting Things Done
Since my last blog I have been inspired by one of those time / lifestyle management books which I like to read. This one is called "Getting Things Done" by David Allen. My copy doesn't have the author grinning from the front cover, but I presume the content is the same.His description of the stress produced by overflowing in-trays is spot on. I realised that my problem is that I never get round to processing the stuff that comes in to my life from assorted places (post and email to name but two). I just let it pile up and have to keep rummaging through to ensure there is nothing urgent I'm missing.
Another key idea from the book is that 'stuff' should be turned into 'next actions'. For example, I have had on my list of jobs for some time "find new stewards". When I look at that reminder I know I've got to do something, but what? So all I do is feel guilty that I've not yet done anything, vaguely wonder what I might do, come to no decision and leave the reminder in the list of jobs so that it can prompt me to go through the same fruitless guilt-trip again next time I see it. Notice the difference when I turn this into a 'next action' - "ask X to consider being a steward". Now I know what I can do. So I do it. I talk to X and she says she'll think about it. I've made progress! I've got something done!
I'm not following his programme exactly. His first step is to gather all stuff from every area of your life into one massive 'in-tray' (which he reckons will take the best part of a day) and then process it using a flow chart (which will take another full day). My problem is that I haven't had a couple of spare days to devote to this exercise and in any case there is so much clutter in my study I need to deal with, that I could almost designate my entire study as an in-tray. Instead I am trying to implement his system in small doses, converting my list of jobs into 'next actions', processing the 150+ emails in my virtual in-tray and the mound of paper in my real in-tray and then moving on to all the other clutter around the study and the house. I've only scratched the surface so far, but I feel much more in control already and the last few weeks I've been getting things done.
One thing I've not been getting done is my blog. My attention has been elsewhere and I've not had the time or inclination to do any serious on-line spiritual reflection. Now that Easter is over I may be able to get back to regular journalling.
I've ignored my daughter's advice when she first saw me reading this book. "I've got a suggestion for how to get things done," she said. "Stop wasting your time reading that book and actually go and do something useful!"
Saturday, 8 March 2008
New Week's Resolution #9
Result of NWR #8 (getting to bed early) - not too bad on the first four days of the week (between 11 and 11.30 but with no unnecessary dithering) but not so good for the last three days (around midnight).
I still need to sort out my sleep patterns properly, so here is another resolution. I will be out of bed before 7.00 am every morning and not fall asleep during the day. This last part will prove difficult if I continue reading for long after consuming my lunchtime sandwiches - sleep comes very naturally in such circumstances. Mind you, the only day next week I will have the opportunity to read and doze over lunch will be Saturday.
I still need to sort out my sleep patterns properly, so here is another resolution. I will be out of bed before 7.00 am every morning and not fall asleep during the day. This last part will prove difficult if I continue reading for long after consuming my lunchtime sandwiches - sleep comes very naturally in such circumstances. Mind you, the only day next week I will have the opportunity to read and doze over lunch will be Saturday.
Put me to suffering
There is a line in our old Methodist Covenant service in which we pray "put me to doing; put me to suffering." One of my church stewards recently pointed out that this last word is meant in the sense of 'allowing to happen' (as in "suffer the little children to come unto me.") In other words, the prayer is about a willingness to be either active or passive. I'm not very good at passive.
Today I have a million and one tasks to do. OK, fifteen essential tasks taking an estimated 10 hours and a further eight soon-to-be-essential tasks taking an estimated 7 hours. In the week beginning tomorrow (Sunday) the first free time is a couple of hours on Thursday morning. I've no idea how I'm going to fit in the preparation for all the events on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. How on earth do I justify being passive?
On the other hand, how can I justify taking time off to read, eat, watch TV etc - all of which I will manage to fit in by just stopping work and taking my leisure instead? My difficulty is not fitting in leisure activities, it's abandoning all activites in order simply to be with God. But there's no time now for further musings. It's eleven o'clock and I've barely started my list of tasks.
Today I have a million and one tasks to do. OK, fifteen essential tasks taking an estimated 10 hours and a further eight soon-to-be-essential tasks taking an estimated 7 hours. In the week beginning tomorrow (Sunday) the first free time is a couple of hours on Thursday morning. I've no idea how I'm going to fit in the preparation for all the events on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. How on earth do I justify being passive?
On the other hand, how can I justify taking time off to read, eat, watch TV etc - all of which I will manage to fit in by just stopping work and taking my leisure instead? My difficulty is not fitting in leisure activities, it's abandoning all activites in order simply to be with God. But there's no time now for further musings. It's eleven o'clock and I've barely started my list of tasks.
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
Inspired by probationer
I had the privilege of accompanying J to her interview with the district probationers committtee. They quite rightly voted unanimously that she should be ordained as a Methodist minister. But the conversation threw up several good ideas that put me as a more experienced minister to shame. I didn't take notes, but here are a few I can remember.
- One morning a week studying. (A probationer is expected to take a day per week for study, but J wants to continue setting aside regular time for this.)
- Teaching - the importance of passing on to others what is learned.
- Preparing things together and then getting feedback on what went well and what could be done better next time.
- Noticing when people look tired. (J has been a physiotherapist and so is good at this.)
- Making time for hobbies. (J took up bell-ringing so that she could take part in the millennium celebrations, and now finds it very enjoyable and therapeutic.)
Back to Bible basics
Two incidents today have reminded me how much we assume we know about the Bible when the text doesn't actually say what we think.
I was trying to find a reading to accompany Jesus's prediction of his suffering and death. I was sure there would be something in one of the epistles which 'explained' the purpose of Christ's passion. But if there is, I'm blowed if I can find it. There are many allusions of course to the death of Jesus or the importance of the cross. But there doesn't seem to be a simple short passage that says "Jesus suffered abuse, whipping, desertion and crucifixion because..."
On the way to the district probationers committee, J asked what John Wesley meant in his sermon on the catholic spirit. "I do not say to love God 'above all things' because the phrase is unscriptural and ambiguous." (I may not have the quote exactly, but that's near enough.) In the following sentences he makes it clear that we should indeed love God with our whole being and long for him more than for anything. But Wesley was reluctant to employ a phrase not used in the Bible. I've checked. The words 'above all things' are indeed not scriptural.
Which is why studying the Bible is so important. It may well need re-interpreting for the current generation. But we need to interpret the Scripture itself rather than interpreting what we assume the Bible says based on a previous generation's own interpretation. Going back to the Bible stops the developing theology of the church from going too far off track.
I was trying to find a reading to accompany Jesus's prediction of his suffering and death. I was sure there would be something in one of the epistles which 'explained' the purpose of Christ's passion. But if there is, I'm blowed if I can find it. There are many allusions of course to the death of Jesus or the importance of the cross. But there doesn't seem to be a simple short passage that says "Jesus suffered abuse, whipping, desertion and crucifixion because..."
On the way to the district probationers committee, J asked what John Wesley meant in his sermon on the catholic spirit. "I do not say to love God 'above all things' because the phrase is unscriptural and ambiguous." (I may not have the quote exactly, but that's near enough.) In the following sentences he makes it clear that we should indeed love God with our whole being and long for him more than for anything. But Wesley was reluctant to employ a phrase not used in the Bible. I've checked. The words 'above all things' are indeed not scriptural.
Which is why studying the Bible is so important. It may well need re-interpreting for the current generation. But we need to interpret the Scripture itself rather than interpreting what we assume the Bible says based on a previous generation's own interpretation. Going back to the Bible stops the developing theology of the church from going too far off track.
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
Some niggling little disappointments
The sun is shining and I stand at the dawn of a day off. So why am I feeling slightly frustrated with life?
Is it because efficiency has its limitations? These last two days I have had two services, a drama rehearsal, a staff meeting, a song workshop and a family worship planning group. I have worked diligently to prepare all these events and have even managed to fit in a hospital visit. I have no qualms about my performance level. I have used my time well. But it is not enough. I have not been able to make any impact on my growing backlog of post and email. From teatime tonight I have a further series of events and meetings that, together with their preparation, will mean I have no time for admin or pastoral work until Thursday afternoon.
Is it because my attempts at leadership have met with limited success? a) The first of our joint staff meetings (with ministers from the circuit we are soon to join with) was intended to be a chance for mutual support and encouragement. Yet we ended up moaning about Methodism (as an organisation) and I sensed that at times people were getting a little annoyed with one another. b) I have been introducing recorded backing tracks to some of the modern songs in our worship, which is better quality than I can provide on the guitar or the organist on the organ. Yet people complain that it is too slow, or too fast, or too confusing. Arrangements designed for churches who like to savour the worship and repeat choruses don't seem to appeal to churches who prefer to get on and sing the song without fuss. c) I had prepared a possible outline for this Sunday's parade service, but after discussion by the family worship planning group, we abandoned it for a different approach which had us bogged down for most of the evening.
"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain." (Psalm 127) It is not enough for me to be efficient or imaginative. I also need to be working alongside God. Maybe I am. Maybe what I am feeling is the same frustration God feels when he doesn't get the results he hopes for from his people. Maybe I am still in my apprenticeship and need to learn what doesn't work in order to discover what does. Maybe I just need to realise that I don't have total control over life - there are others whose attitudes, desires and needs contribute to the results of my efforts. In any case, I now feel a little less frustrated and can get on with enjoying my day off with S.
Is it because efficiency has its limitations? These last two days I have had two services, a drama rehearsal, a staff meeting, a song workshop and a family worship planning group. I have worked diligently to prepare all these events and have even managed to fit in a hospital visit. I have no qualms about my performance level. I have used my time well. But it is not enough. I have not been able to make any impact on my growing backlog of post and email. From teatime tonight I have a further series of events and meetings that, together with their preparation, will mean I have no time for admin or pastoral work until Thursday afternoon.
Is it because my attempts at leadership have met with limited success? a) The first of our joint staff meetings (with ministers from the circuit we are soon to join with) was intended to be a chance for mutual support and encouragement. Yet we ended up moaning about Methodism (as an organisation) and I sensed that at times people were getting a little annoyed with one another. b) I have been introducing recorded backing tracks to some of the modern songs in our worship, which is better quality than I can provide on the guitar or the organist on the organ. Yet people complain that it is too slow, or too fast, or too confusing. Arrangements designed for churches who like to savour the worship and repeat choruses don't seem to appeal to churches who prefer to get on and sing the song without fuss. c) I had prepared a possible outline for this Sunday's parade service, but after discussion by the family worship planning group, we abandoned it for a different approach which had us bogged down for most of the evening.
"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain." (Psalm 127) It is not enough for me to be efficient or imaginative. I also need to be working alongside God. Maybe I am. Maybe what I am feeling is the same frustration God feels when he doesn't get the results he hopes for from his people. Maybe I am still in my apprenticeship and need to learn what doesn't work in order to discover what does. Maybe I just need to realise that I don't have total control over life - there are others whose attitudes, desires and needs contribute to the results of my efforts. In any case, I now feel a little less frustrated and can get on with enjoying my day off with S.
Sunday, 2 March 2008
New Week's Resolution #8
Most of my self-discipline has recenlty gone to pot. It's time to start it up again by making one resolution per week. These days I often potter about late in the evening after meetings have finished and everyone has gone to bed. I browse the internet, I watch a DVD, I organise my music collection. All very enjoyable and relaxing, especially after a busy day. But late nights mean I feel tired in the morning and easily drop off after lunch.
So this week's resolution is that I will aim to be in bed each night before 11.00 pm. Or failing that, I will not allow trivial matters to extend my evening unnecessarily.
So this week's resolution is that I will aim to be in bed each night before 11.00 pm. Or failing that, I will not allow trivial matters to extend my evening unnecessarily.
What maintenance makes possible
Following my comments about a great deal of maintenance being needed for life (see previous post), here are some thoughts about what such maintenance actually enables to happen. These are examples of 'doing stuff' rather than merely 'keeping the tools readily accessible and in good working order'. I'll use the same categories as before.
- HOME: Using it as a place to relax in or entertain visitors.
- PERSONAL: Doing things I enjoy for their own sake, indulging in hobbies or fulfilling personal ambitions.
- FAMILY: Going on special trips out, enjoying holidays together, supporting one another's lives or careers.
- SPIRITUAL: Appreciating God's love and rising to the challenges he sets.
- MINISTERIAL: Preaching, pastoral visiting, managing, leading. This category could further be subdivided. What for me is 'doing the actual work of ministry' may be for the church merely a matter of maintenance. Lots of ministry is 'church maintenance' - ensuring that routine worship, teaching, pastoral care and efficient organisation take place week by week. Only a small proportion of ministry really counts as 'new work'.
So what's the point of these further musings? Simply that these are the activities I should be working towards, and I should be careful of spending so much time on maintenance that I never get around to doing real stuff. It would be like someone who lavishes all their attention on car maintenance, keeping the vehicle finely tuned and lovingly polished, without ever enjoying the experience of driving it.
Friday, 29 February 2008
Don't Dismiss Maintenance
One of the phrases which has long been bandied about in Methodism is "Mission rather than maintenance", a sentiment with which I heartily agree. But at the supers meeting I got to reflecting how much time we actually need to spend on maintenance in our lives. By 'maintenance' I mean not actually doing new work, but keeping things in order and functioning properly so that they are readily available when called upon.
I easily managed to identify five categories each of which it is important to spend time on. The examples I give are only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the range of activities:
I easily managed to identify five categories each of which it is important to spend time on. The examples I give are only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the range of activities:
- HOME MAINTENANCE means keeping the house in a fit state to be lived in and able to accommodate whatever other activities may take place in it. It includes washing up, mowing the lawn, buying furniture and clearing the loft.
- PERSONAL MAINTENANCE means ensuring my body and mind remain fit and healthy. It includes shaving, eating, going on brisk walks and buying clothes.
- FAMILY MAINTENANCE means developing good relationships with the family (and I ought to include friends here too). It includes talking together, helping with homework, kissing, phoning a friend and everyday trips out.
- SPIRITUAL MAINTENANCE means staying in touch with God and deepening my faith. It includes prayer, theological reflection and going on retreats.
- MINISTERIAL MAINTENANCE means creating a physical environment and developing the necessary skills which will best allow me to function as a minister of the Methodist church. It includes dealing with post and email, organising a filing system and networking with others.
Doing maintenance can be fulfilling, enjoyable, satisfying and worthwhile. It's a good job, because it is a necessary part of life. We couldn't survive without it. We may as well enjoy it.
There is nothing to stop me multi-tasking. Reading a book over breakfast, or doing something fun with the family which is good exercise - such things tick more than one box.
But what is the point of these musings? One is that I ought to be aware of what I am doing. Too often I do things just because I feel like doing them, but they have no point or purpose beyond that. You could argue that it is perfectly valid to indulge in such things as part of my personal maintenance (retaining a healthy balance of work and play), and indeed if I choose to relax, then that is OK. But my failing is that I often just slip into doing stuff (whether trivial leisure or trivial work activities) without thinking. I've decided it would be helpful if I consciously set out to do 'half-an-hour of personal maintenance' for example. There are times when "why am I doing this?" would be a good question, and the answer may well be "it serves no purpose at all, not even in performing worthwhile life maintenance" in which case I am wasting my time and ought to choose a different activity.
A second reason for these musings is that I need to be careful about spending all my time on maintenance and never actually doing stuff for real. (But that's the subject of another post.)
Thursday, 28 February 2008
A boost to my spiritual morale
OK, so the re-wiring of the manse is now done, the place is still in unpheaval, plaster dust everywhere and study in a mess, piles of paper, lots of email and post to deal with, overwhelmed by work and nothing done for the last two days because of superintendents residential meeting... but what I really want to log in my blog is what a great evening I've just had at the Street Pastor training session.
We had a couple called David and Anne (natives to this area but currently living in Canada) to lead us on a session about 'prophetic evangelism' including practical excercises. The pattern they use was based on Jesus's encounter with Nathanael - first say what you see - "Here is a true Israelite in whom there is nothing false" and then if the Spirit prompts with a more specific image go with it - "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree". Apparently David and co (they work in threes) go out on the streets asking people if they would like to be given a word of encouragement. If they say yes, then David will tell them how they appear to him - strong; compassionate; sensitive; generous or whatever the Spirit (along with good observation skills) suggests. As an example he described me as a 'gentle giant' with great compassion for others. (I wish!) Sometimes the Spirit may then give other hints, visions, words of knowledge etc which can be shared sensitively.
So we got into threes and fours and tried this on each other - what I see in you is whatever - this is the kind of person I think you are. Very hard excercise on two counts. a) We don't normally compliment each other so openly and b) It wasn't easy to discern the prompting of the Spirit as distinct from the facts we already knew about each other.
Second exercise: Draw hats (representing roles/jobs). These were more to do with a person's heart and gifting than their actual employment. As an example David said he could see A in a teacher's hat suggesting she had a heart for teaching others. (She is a teacher, so his discernment was pretty good.) In the exercise I saw H in a straw boater. I couldn't work out if this was mere vivid imagination or what. I struggled to find any kind of interpretation and the best I could come up with was that H was at heart an entertainer and wanted to cheer other people up. Amazingly H admitted that as a child she always wanted to be an entertainer and make people laugh.
The evening ended with David and Anne going around praying with us in groups and as individuals. David's prayer over me was as someone who was faithful in being the first to try things, even if I was cautious and questioning. I was still willing to take a lead in the hope that others would follow. This prayer seemed to pick up on much of my questioning in recent months over the whole God Delusion / Richard Dawkins issue plus my wanting to give a lead to the church, but being cautious about the direction we should go. Anne's prayer was that God wanted to tell me "Well Done" (I couldn't help interjecting "I don't know what for!"), which was less precise but still very affirming and moving. The other two in the small group were similarly moved by the prayers.
A measure of how good an evening this was - instead of walking home and listening to music I cadged a lift from H (others stayed to pray but we both felt it was time to go) so that I could have time to record the events of the evening before bed. After two days in which I felt I was the least committed, least spiritual and least interesting superintendent in the Methodist district (because everyone else seemed to be more passionate, more holy and more humorous than me) this evening has been a real boost to my spirit and to my sense of worth. Thanks, Lord!
We had a couple called David and Anne (natives to this area but currently living in Canada) to lead us on a session about 'prophetic evangelism' including practical excercises. The pattern they use was based on Jesus's encounter with Nathanael - first say what you see - "Here is a true Israelite in whom there is nothing false" and then if the Spirit prompts with a more specific image go with it - "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree". Apparently David and co (they work in threes) go out on the streets asking people if they would like to be given a word of encouragement. If they say yes, then David will tell them how they appear to him - strong; compassionate; sensitive; generous or whatever the Spirit (along with good observation skills) suggests. As an example he described me as a 'gentle giant' with great compassion for others. (I wish!) Sometimes the Spirit may then give other hints, visions, words of knowledge etc which can be shared sensitively.
So we got into threes and fours and tried this on each other - what I see in you is whatever - this is the kind of person I think you are. Very hard excercise on two counts. a) We don't normally compliment each other so openly and b) It wasn't easy to discern the prompting of the Spirit as distinct from the facts we already knew about each other.
Second exercise: Draw hats (representing roles/jobs). These were more to do with a person's heart and gifting than their actual employment. As an example David said he could see A in a teacher's hat suggesting she had a heart for teaching others. (She is a teacher, so his discernment was pretty good.) In the exercise I saw H in a straw boater. I couldn't work out if this was mere vivid imagination or what. I struggled to find any kind of interpretation and the best I could come up with was that H was at heart an entertainer and wanted to cheer other people up. Amazingly H admitted that as a child she always wanted to be an entertainer and make people laugh.
The evening ended with David and Anne going around praying with us in groups and as individuals. David's prayer over me was as someone who was faithful in being the first to try things, even if I was cautious and questioning. I was still willing to take a lead in the hope that others would follow. This prayer seemed to pick up on much of my questioning in recent months over the whole God Delusion / Richard Dawkins issue plus my wanting to give a lead to the church, but being cautious about the direction we should go. Anne's prayer was that God wanted to tell me "Well Done" (I couldn't help interjecting "I don't know what for!"), which was less precise but still very affirming and moving. The other two in the small group were similarly moved by the prayers.
A measure of how good an evening this was - instead of walking home and listening to music I cadged a lift from H (others stayed to pray but we both felt it was time to go) so that I could have time to record the events of the evening before bed. After two days in which I felt I was the least committed, least spiritual and least interesting superintendent in the Methodist district (because everyone else seemed to be more passionate, more holy and more humorous than me) this evening has been a real boost to my spirit and to my sense of worth. Thanks, Lord!
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