The voice of prog rock

I am convinced that God can speak using a wide variety of means. This teatime he spoke to me through the lyrics of a prog rock track. I was wandering the streets getting a bit of exercise and enjoying a live album by Spock's Beard. Suddenly the repeated words turned into the voice of Jesus challenging me to give up my own futile efforts and trust him.


"Don't you want to live my way?" he said to me. "Why do you want to keep trying? You never get it right!" And then the punchline "...when you could be living day for night."

This message doesn't look much when put into cold hard print (or even cold hard pixels), but as it hit me earlier, it was a challenge I needed to hear. Spiritually speaking I spend too much time stumbling around in the dark. Instead of just trying harder, I ought to be responding to the invitation of Jesus - live his way and it will be like walking in the light.

Reduced to Love

I've just returned from our monthly Street Pastor meeting where we have listened to a Canadian lady (on CD) talk about love. What she had to say was highly applicable not just for the occasional Friday evening on the street but for all my interactions with other people.

I need to see others as God sees them. To recognise in them a beautiful human being full of potential and with a glorious eternal destiny ahead of them. I should not see them as a 'target' to be saved, redeemed or reformed. I should definitely not see them as an 'undesirable' to be condemned or punished. My overwhelming attitude should be one of love. I should long to see them blessed - in whatever way they can cope with at the moment, rather than some form of blessing I would personally approve of. The speaker told a story of how God prompted her to give 20 dollars to a prostitute as a gift to help her have a 'better day'. The prostitute said, "you know what I am? You know what I'll spend this on?" (i.e. a heroin fix) and the speaker admitted she knew all that but still insisted the money was a gift from God with no strings attached. The moral of this story is not to give all my money away, but to love unconditionally, to have God's heart for anyone and everyone I meet.

Run! Don't walk.

The paper this morning had an article about taking a thirty minute brisk walk four or five times a week, preferably with half-minute bursts of sprinting every now and then to really push yourself hard. The benefits are greater health, more energy, happier, brainier, calmer and countless other blessings. Hebrews 12 begins with an encouragement to throw off anything that entangles and get running.

OK, so I'm a brisk walker rather than a jogger, but the principle's the same. Being energetic, pushing myself, gettting out of breath - it's a good thing. I actually feel good when I do it. The same applies when I raise my mental or spiritual efforts to the equivalent of an energetic walk, or even a flat-out run. So why do I spend my time taking the easy way out? Why do I look forward to the moments in the day when I can idle time away with a relaxing book or undemanding TV? Why do I prefer spiritual drifting to spiritual challenge?

Lord, help me to put some effort into physical, mental and spiritual activities. Help me enjoy expending my energies in these ways. Help me discover that life can be wonderful when taken at a brisk pace. I already appreciate the quiet breaks between exertions. Help me to find joy in the exertions too.

Getting Things Done

Since my last blog I have been inspired by one of those time / lifestyle management books which I like to read. This one is called "Getting Things Done" by David Allen. My copy doesn't have the author grinning from the front cover, but I presume the content is the same.

His description of the stress produced by overflowing in-trays is spot on. I realised that my problem is that I never get round to processing the stuff that comes in to my life from assorted places (post and email to name but two). I just let it pile up and have to keep rummaging through to ensure there is nothing urgent I'm missing.

Another key idea from the book is that 'stuff' should be turned into 'next actions'. For example, I have had on my list of jobs for some time "find new stewards". When I look at that reminder I know I've got to do something, but what? So all I do is feel guilty that I've not yet done anything, vaguely wonder what I might do, come to no decision and leave the reminder in the list of jobs so that it can prompt me to go through the same fruitless guilt-trip again next time I see it. Notice the difference when I turn this into a 'next action' - "ask X to consider being a steward". Now I know what I can do. So I do it. I talk to X and she says she'll think about it. I've made progress! I've got something done!

I'm not following his programme exactly. His first step is to gather all stuff from every area of your life into one massive 'in-tray' (which he reckons will take the best part of a day) and then process it using a flow chart (which will take another full day). My problem is that I haven't had a couple of spare days to devote to this exercise and in any case there is so much clutter in my study I need to deal with, that I could almost designate my entire study as an in-tray. Instead I am trying to implement his system in small doses, converting my list of jobs into 'next actions', processing the 150+ emails in my virtual in-tray and the mound of paper in my real in-tray and then moving on to all the other clutter around the study and the house. I've only scratched the surface so far, but I feel much more in control already and the last few weeks I've been getting things done.

One thing I've not been getting done is my blog. My attention has been elsewhere and I've not had the time or inclination to do any serious on-line spiritual reflection. Now that Easter is over I may be able to get back to regular journalling.

I've ignored my daughter's advice when she first saw me reading this book. "I've got a suggestion for how to get things done," she said. "Stop wasting your time reading that book and actually go and do something useful!"

New Week's Resolution #9

Result of NWR #8 (getting to bed early) - not too bad on the first four days of the week (between 11 and 11.30 but with no unnecessary dithering) but not so good for the last three days (around midnight).

I still need to sort out my sleep patterns properly, so here is another resolution. I will be out of bed before 7.00 am every morning and not fall asleep during the day. This last part will prove difficult if I continue reading for long after consuming my lunchtime sandwiches - sleep comes very naturally in such circumstances. Mind you, the only day next week I will have the opportunity to read and doze over lunch will be Saturday.

Put me to suffering

There is a line in our old Methodist Covenant service in which we pray "put me to doing; put me to suffering." One of my church stewards recently pointed out that this last word is meant in the sense of 'allowing to happen' (as in "suffer the little children to come unto me.") In other words, the prayer is about a willingness to be either active or passive. I'm not very good at passive.

Today I have a million and one tasks to do. OK, fifteen essential tasks taking an estimated 10 hours and a further eight soon-to-be-essential tasks taking an estimated 7 hours. In the week beginning tomorrow (Sunday) the first free time is a couple of hours on Thursday morning. I've no idea how I'm going to fit in the preparation for all the events on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. How on earth do I justify being passive?

On the other hand, how can I justify taking time off to read, eat, watch TV etc - all of which I will manage to fit in by just stopping work and taking my leisure instead? My difficulty is not fitting in leisure activities, it's abandoning all activites in order simply to be with God. But there's no time now for further musings. It's eleven o'clock and I've barely started my list of tasks.

Inspired by probationer

I had the privilege of accompanying J to her interview with the district probationers committtee. They quite rightly voted unanimously that she should be ordained as a Methodist minister. But the conversation threw up several good ideas that put me as a more experienced minister to shame. I didn't take notes, but here are a few I can remember.

• One morning a week studying. (A probationer is expected to take a day per week for study, but J wants to continue setting aside regular time for this.)
• Teaching - the importance of passing on to others what is learned.
• Preparing things together and then getting feedback on what went well and what could be done better next time.
• Noticing when people look tired. (J has been a physiotherapist and so is good at this.)
• Making time for hobbies. (J took up bell-ringing so that she could take part in the millennium celebrations, and now finds it very enjoyable and therapeutic.)

Back to Bible basics

Two incidents today have reminded me how much we assume we know about the Bible when the text doesn't actually say what we think.

I was trying to find a reading to accompany Jesus's prediction of his suffering and death. I was sure there would be something in one of the epistles which 'explained' the purpose of Christ's passion. But if there is, I'm blowed if I can find it. There are many allusions of course to the death of Jesus or the importance of the cross. But there doesn't seem to be a simple short passage that says "Jesus suffered abuse, whipping, desertion and crucifixion because..."

On the way to the district probationers committee, J asked what John Wesley meant in his sermon on the catholic spirit. "I do not say to love God 'above all things' because the phrase is unscriptural and ambiguous." (I may not have the quote exactly, but that's near enough.) In the following sentences he makes it clear that we should indeed love God with our whole being and long for him more than for anything. But Wesley was reluctant to employ a phrase not used in the Bible. I've checked. The words 'above all things' are indeed not scriptural.

Which is why studying the Bible is so important. It may well need re-interpreting for the current generation. But we need to interpret the Scripture itself rather than interpreting what we assume the Bible says based on a previous generation's own interpretation. Going back to the Bible stops the developing theology of the church from going too far off track.

Some niggling little disappointments

The sun is shining and I stand at the dawn of a day off. So why am I feeling slightly frustrated with life?

Is it because efficiency has its limitations? These last two days I have had two services, a drama rehearsal, a staff meeting, a song workshop and a family worship planning group. I have worked diligently to prepare all these events and have even managed to fit in a hospital visit. I have no qualms about my performance level. I have used my time well. But it is not enough. I have not been able to make any impact on my growing backlog of post and email. From teatime tonight I have a further series of events and meetings that, together with their preparation, will mean I have no time for admin or pastoral work until Thursday afternoon.

Is it because my attempts at leadership have met with limited success? a) The first of our joint staff meetings (with ministers from the circuit we are soon to join with) was intended to be a chance for mutual support and encouragement. Yet we ended up moaning about Methodism (as an organisation) and I sensed that at times people were getting a little annoyed with one another. b) I have been introducing recorded backing tracks to some of the modern songs in our worship, which is better quality than I can provide on the guitar or the organist on the organ. Yet people complain that it is too slow, or too fast, or too confusing. Arrangements designed for churches who like to savour the worship and repeat choruses don't seem to appeal to churches who prefer to get on and sing the song without fuss. c) I had prepared a possible outline for this Sunday's parade service, but after discussion by the family worship planning group, we abandoned it for a different approach which had us bogged down for most of the evening.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain." (Psalm 127) It is not enough for me to be efficient or imaginative. I also need to be working alongside God. Maybe I am. Maybe what I am feeling is the same frustration God feels when he doesn't get the results he hopes for from his people. Maybe I am still in my apprenticeship and need to learn what doesn't work in order to discover what does. Maybe I just need to realise that I don't have total control over life - there are others whose attitudes, desires and needs contribute to the results of my efforts. In any case, I now feel a little less frustrated and can get on with enjoying my day off with S.

New Week's Resolution #8

Most of my self-discipline has recenlty gone to pot. It's time to start it up again by making one resolution per week. These days I often potter about late in the evening after meetings have finished and everyone has gone to bed. I browse the internet, I watch a DVD, I organise my music collection. All very enjoyable and relaxing, especially after a busy day. But late nights mean I feel tired in the morning and easily drop off after lunch.

So this week's resolution is that I will aim to be in bed each night before 11.00 pm. Or failing that, I will not allow trivial matters to extend my evening unnecessarily.

What maintenance makes possible

Following my comments about a great deal of maintenance being needed for life (see previous post), here are some thoughts about what such maintenance actually enables to happen. These are examples of 'doing stuff' rather than merely 'keeping the tools readily accessible and in good working order'. I'll use the same categories as before.

• HOME: Using it as a place to relax in or entertain visitors.
• PERSONAL: Doing things I enjoy for their own sake, indulging in hobbies or fulfilling personal ambitions.
• FAMILY: Going on special trips out, enjoying holidays together, supporting one another's lives or careers.
• SPIRITUAL: Appreciating God's love and rising to the challenges he sets.
• MINISTERIAL: Preaching, pastoral visiting, managing, leading. This category could further be subdivided. What for me is 'doing the actual work of ministry' may be for the church merely a matter of maintenance. Lots of ministry is 'church maintenance' - ensuring that routine worship, teaching, pastoral care and efficient organisation take place week by week. Only a small proportion of ministry really counts as 'new work'.

So what's the point of these further musings? Simply that these are the activities I should be working towards, and I should be careful of spending so much time on maintenance that I never get around to doing real stuff. It would be like someone who lavishes all their attention on car maintenance, keeping the vehicle finely tuned and lovingly polished, without ever enjoying the experience of driving it.

Don't Dismiss Maintenance

One of the phrases which has long been bandied about in Methodism is "Mission rather than maintenance", a sentiment with which I heartily agree. But at the supers meeting I got to reflecting how much time we actually need to spend on maintenance in our lives. By 'maintenance' I mean not actually doing new work, but keeping things in order and functioning properly so that they are readily available when called upon.

I easily managed to identify five categories each of which it is important to spend time on. The examples I give are only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the range of activities:

• HOME MAINTENANCE means keeping the house in a fit state to be lived in and able to accommodate whatever other activities may take place in it. It includes washing up, mowing the lawn, buying furniture and clearing the loft.
• PERSONAL MAINTENANCE means ensuring my body and mind remain fit and healthy. It includes shaving, eating, going on brisk walks and buying clothes.
• FAMILY MAINTENANCE means developing good relationships with the family (and I ought to include friends here too). It includes talking together, helping with homework, kissing, phoning a friend and everyday trips out.
• SPIRITUAL MAINTENANCE means staying in touch with God and deepening my faith. It includes prayer, theological reflection and going on retreats.
• MINISTERIAL MAINTENANCE means creating a physical environment and developing the necessary skills which will best allow me to function as a minister of the Methodist church. It includes dealing with post and email, organising a filing system and networking with others.

Doing maintenance can be fulfilling, enjoyable, satisfying and worthwhile. It's a good job, because it is a necessary part of life. We couldn't survive without it. We may as well enjoy it.

There is nothing to stop me multi-tasking. Reading a book over breakfast, or doing something fun with the family which is good exercise - such things tick more than one box.

But what is the point of these musings? One is that I ought to be aware of what I am doing. Too often I do things just because I feel like doing them, but they have no point or purpose beyond that. You could argue that it is perfectly valid to indulge in such things as part of my personal maintenance (retaining a healthy balance of work and play), and indeed if I choose to relax, then that is OK. But my failing is that I often just slip into doing stuff (whether trivial leisure or trivial work activities) without thinking. I've decided it would be helpful if I consciously set out to do 'half-an-hour of personal maintenance' for example. There are times when "why am I doing this?" would be a good question, and the answer may well be "it serves no purpose at all, not even in performing worthwhile life maintenance" in which case I am wasting my time and ought to choose a different activity.

A second reason for these musings is that I need to be careful about spending all my time on maintenance and never actually doing stuff for real. (But that's the subject of another post.)

A boost to my spiritual morale

OK, so the re-wiring of the manse is now done, the place is still in unpheaval, plaster dust everywhere and study in a mess, piles of paper, lots of email and post to deal with, overwhelmed by work and nothing done for the last two days because of superintendents residential meeting... but what I really want to log in my blog is what a great evening I've just had at the Street Pastor training session.

We had a couple called David and Anne (natives to this area but currently living in Canada) to lead us on a session about 'prophetic evangelism' including practical excercises. The pattern they use was based on Jesus's encounter with Nathanael - first say what you see - "Here is a true Israelite in whom there is nothing false" and then if the Spirit prompts with a more specific image go with it - "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree". Apparently David and co (they work in threes) go out on the streets asking people if they would like to be given a word of encouragement. If they say yes, then David will tell them how they appear to him - strong; compassionate; sensitive; generous or whatever the Spirit (along with good observation skills) suggests. As an example he described me as a 'gentle giant' with great compassion for others. (I wish!) Sometimes the Spirit may then give other hints, visions, words of knowledge etc which can be shared sensitively.

So we got into threes and fours and tried this on each other - what I see in you is whatever - this is the kind of person I think you are. Very hard excercise on two counts. a) We don't normally compliment each other so openly and b) It wasn't easy to discern the prompting of the Spirit as distinct from the facts we already knew about each other.

Second exercise: Draw hats (representing roles/jobs). These were more to do with a person's heart and gifting than their actual employment. As an example David said he could see A in a teacher's hat suggesting she had a heart for teaching others. (She is a teacher, so his discernment was pretty good.) In the exercise I saw H in a straw boater. I couldn't work out if this was mere vivid imagination or what. I struggled to find any kind of interpretation and the best I could come up with was that H was at heart an entertainer and wanted to cheer other people up. Amazingly H admitted that as a child she always wanted to be an entertainer and make people laugh.

The evening ended with David and Anne going around praying with us in groups and as individuals. David's prayer over me was as someone who was faithful in being the first to try things, even if I was cautious and questioning. I was still willing to take a lead in the hope that others would follow. This prayer seemed to pick up on much of my questioning in recent months over the whole God Delusion / Richard Dawkins issue plus my wanting to give a lead to the church, but being cautious about the direction we should go. Anne's prayer was that God wanted to tell me "Well Done" (I couldn't help interjecting "I don't know what for!"), which was less precise but still very affirming and moving. The other two in the small group were similarly moved by the prayers.

A measure of how good an evening this was - instead of walking home and listening to music I cadged a lift from H (others stayed to pray but we both felt it was time to go) so that I could have time to record the events of the evening before bed. After two days in which I felt I was the least committed, least spiritual and least interesting superintendent in the Methodist district (because everyone else seemed to be more passionate, more holy and more humorous than me) this evening has been a real boost to my spirit and to my sense of worth. Thanks, Lord!

New Week's Resolutions - all gone to pot

Up to last week I was doing pretty well on most resolutions. I was getting up early (between 7 and 7.15), eating lots of fresh fruit, spending 10 minutes on my knees in prayer, going for walks, putting off trivial pursuits until a certain amount of proper work was accomplished. I even managed for a few days to ensure that tomorrow's activities were fully prepared today.

Now it's all gone horribly wrong. Why? Three reasons come to mind. 1) Busy-ness. I have had so much to do that I've had to get on and do it without the luxury of pacing myself nicely or fitting in the daily 'resolutions', important though they are. 2) My mother's 80th birthday. This is actually today, but we spent last weekend in Sheffield - a rare treat for me, wife, 3 children, sister, mother and assorted uncles and aunts all to be together at the same time in the same place. 3) Re-wiring of house. Day by day this is becoming more disruptive. We have to pack up our clutter and move our furniture so that carpets can be rolled up, floorboards lifted, joists drilled through and wires made to sprout out of all manner of nooks and crannies. The workmen start at 8.00 before I've really got my mind around the day. They spend the day dispensing a kind of controlled chaos. Then I spend the evening trying to restore a measure of order and soothe the stressed members of the family. Not conducive to ministerial efficiency.

My conclusion is to abandon normality for a few weeks. If I can manage to do all the essentials and to engender a reasonably calm domestic atmosphere I will be content. Greater ambitions will have to wait until normal life is resumed.

Life balance

At our ministers Lent Study group we were given the exercise of turning our week into a pie-chart divided up according to the number of hours we give to specified activities. I tried some honest calculations based on what I do in a normal day, and this is what I came up with:

1. Sleeping 49
2. Working 46
3. Domestic maintenance 18
4. Eating 14
5. Playing 14
6. Relaxing 14
7. Prayer & Worship 5
8. Other 8

The surprising thing was how much time I managed to play or relax (reading over lunch, watching TV before bed, being distracted by trivial computer activities) and how little time I spend with my family (some of the 'other' hours include this).

These last few days I've had no time for blogging either. I reckon I've made good use of my time, but there's always been the sense of having lots to do and not enough time to do it in. Consequently I'm not feeling guilty about wasting time, but at the cost of not switching off from activity and hence not properly enjoying the company of wife and daughters. Actually, it's not as bad as it sounds - we had friends visiting yesterday and spent a large part of the time chatting, eating or walking. I even found half an hour to help M with her maths. But I'm definitely becoming an activist. I find I'm resenting any interruption which prevents me getting things done. I'd better watch out.

New Week's Resolution #7

Result of NWR#1 (rising early): 5
Result of NWR#2 (fruit and veg): 7
Result of NWR#3 (backlog before leisure): 5
Result of NWR#5 (on my knees): 6
Result of NWR#6 (walk): 7

What is good about these New Week's Resolutions is that some of the earlier ones are now becoming ingrained habits on most days. The bad thing about the proliferation of resolutions is that by the end of the week I've started to lose track of the various scores.

My resolution for this coming week is that I will not retire to bed before I am fully prepared for the next day's activities. In other words, if I was to face some crisis the following day and have no time for further preparation, I would still be able to fulfil my commitments to a professional standard. The ideal would be being ready for tomorrow by teatime today and not feel pressured during the evening.

Getting catastrophe in perspective

Last night I went from euphoria (thinking I had managed to synchronise my handheld electronic diary with my new MacBook) to despair (discovering that it didn't really sychronise, attempting a different approach and losing a good half of my calendar appointments.) My attempt to restore these appointments by synchronising with my old PC laptop instead resulted in most of the data deleted from my old laptop. I have not gone into meltdown over this because I think I have a way to restore things from a backup without having to type it all in again.

Remarkably I retired to bed in a calm (if sombre) mood because I was able to put this disaster in its proper perspective. What do I need a computer for?

• To write and print documents - I can do this (though admittedly I've not managed to get the printer to work properly over the home wireless network).
• To communicate by email and access the internet - no problem.
• To keep up-to-date records of church members and such like - I can't yet do this on the MacBook because I need Windows to run Microsoft Access and though I thought I'd got it working it has all gone pear-shaped. (A reinstall didn't fix it and I am considering a reformat of the windows partition if I can work out how.) But I can still do this on the old PC.
• Managing my diary and 'to do' list - needs some urgent repair work.

The point is that a total computer catastrophe would not prevent me actually getting on with life, dealing with people, preaching and attending meetings. There are still people in the world who manage all this without recourse to technology. Neither does a computer failure detract from the list of riches I made the other day (see here).

Today, apart from attempting to recover my calendar data, I have more important fish to fry: the circuit preaching plan, the preparation for a new circuit and tomorrow's parade service all need some urgent attention by tea. Then tonight we've been invited to a party - and the computer hasn't.

Chalking up redeemed souls

Is it wrong to take pleasure in those people whom during my life I have influenced for the good? Paul doesn't seem to think so. He often speaks with delight of those he has won for Christ. And Thomas Taherne wrote "What would we give! that they might likewise see the glory of his majesty! ... For they themselves would be our greatest treasures when sav'd, our own most heavenly pleasures." Which I think means that when we get to heaven, one of our chief pleasures will be the presence of those whom we have helped save.

These are not thoughts I dwell on very often. I'd like to say that this is out of modesty. I am simply glad that people find Jesus - it doesn't matter to me who helped them reach that point. But a more honest reason for not thinking on these lines is that I don't want to be held responsible for the eternal welfare of others. The thought that I could personally be the means by which someone is saved is a frightening one - I am up to the task? And what happens if they aren't saved? I'd much rather their salvation depended on someone else. Leave me out of it.

Perhaps the main reason I don't dwell on "those I have saved" is that I couldn't with certainty place anyone into the category. I know (because people sometimes tell me) that there are some whom I have inspired and encouraged and helped on the Christian pilgrimage. I am not aware of anyone whose life has been radically changed simply because of me.

Maybe I limit my compassion for people to small areas of their life. I sympathise if they are ill. I try to teach them what they don't already know about the Bible. I suggest helpful ways of coping with problems. Maybe I should take a bit more interest in introducing them to the one who can totally transform their lives.

Being rich

I have been reminded this morning how rich I am. Here is my portfolio:

• Good health - a pain free and moderately fit life
• Loving relationships - wife, children, assorted friends - we all get on well
• Brain the size of a planet - OK a small asteroid then - a decent intellect, a logical mind and a polymathic curiosity
• Fulfilling work - too much of it sometimes, but I am never stuck for things to do - yesterday, for example, was one of those very satisfying days when I led a Bible study, attended Coffee Call, visited someone to arrange a funeral, oversaw a worship support group for our probationer minister, led a house fellowship, found time to read, walk, make a few phone calls, do some admin, watch TV and still get to bed at a reasonable hour.
• Pleasant environment - I live in a good neighbourhood with easy access to both city and country - and the night sky last night (on my walk) was breathtakingly beautiful (especially with Breathless by Camel as the accompanying soundtrack).
• Material wealth - this is not the place to set down the extent of our finances, but let's just say we have enough to manage our choice of lifestyle without undue worry.

So basically I'm rich. And in a world where so many don't have the above luxuries I am deeply grateful for what I have. Thank you, Lord.

My true nature revealed

I have come across a number of science fiction stories in which someone who thinks they are human discovers that they are merely a sophisticated robot - a created being. (Blade Runner is one example. The Tunnel Under The World is another.) It struck me this morning with some force that I am in exactly the same condition. I don't exist by chance or by some kind of human rights principle ("every human has the right to freedom, education and existence"). I am here because God made me. True, I am far more sophisticated than a robot, but nonetheless I am a creation of God.

This thought is both sobering and exciting. It brings home the precariousness of my very being, which I usually take for granted. It reminds me that God is a wonderful creator who has a purpose in making me the way I am. Life will only make sense if I develop a meaningful relationship with my creator.