A life cut short

During his ministry, Jesus seems to have taken special care to train up a privileged inner core of disciples, consisting of just three men. For example, they were the only ones (other than her parents) allowed to see him raise the daughter of Jairus; they were the only ones who saw him transfigured on the mountain and talking with Moses and Elijah; they were the only ones invited to accompany him in his anguished prayer in the garden of Gethsemane.

This level of intimacy was clearly an important preparation for their ministry. Peter became the first spokesman of the disciples and was a key figure (arguably THE key figure) in the early days of the church. John had a long ministry and (at least according to tradition) was writing well into his old age, recording for us the life of Jesus in his gospel, giving us a glimpse behind the scenes in his book of Revelation, and dispensing vital wisdom about love in his letters.

And James? He did very little of note and then was killed in the first wave of persecution. What a waste! In fantasy fiction some authors (I'm thinking of George R R Martin and Brent Weeks) seem to delight in killing off major characters just as they are about to fulfil their potential. As a reader this is immensely frustrating. You journey with the character through all the hardships of his early life, see his character being moulded, rejoice as he overcomes difficulties, and then just as he has developed into a great leader and you are looking forward to reading of his great deeds, up pops an assassin of some kind and swiftly despatches him from the story.

Having noticed that James was the same kind of character - full of potential, trained for greatness, then his life cut tragically short - I couldn't at first see what I might learn from the insight. Then I realised fantasy fiction may provide an answer. One effect of reading books by the authors I've mentioned is that, if you know the author is not afraid to kill off major characters you are genuinely worried when other well-liked characters are in danger.

The early death of James shows that there are no guarantees in the Christian life. To take my own life as an example: Just because I have been trained and moulded for ordained ministry doesn't mean that I get to fulfil my potential. And I'm not thinking now of premature departure from this life, I'm thinking of how easily I could let all the potential go to waste through my own actions (or inaction). Just because God called me to ministry, and has given me some of the gifts and graces needed for the work, doesn't mean I can rest on my laurels and expect everything to be hunky-dory. James reminds me that even those with the greatest potential don't always live to fulfil it. When people look back at my life, will they say 'he started well; shame he never lived up to that early potential'?

Restoration

The book "Fathered by God" has stirred me up somewhat. The author's enthusiasm for fly-fishing, hunting (with guns) and dangerous mountain climbing is a long way from my own (current) passions for cryptic crosswords, fantasy literature and board games. But I was intrigued by the idea of a man (yes, it's a book aimed at men) needing to grow through the stages of cowboy, warrior, lover, king and sage.

Where am I on that scale? My vocation has brought me responsibility for the spiritual well-being of two churches, not to mention rest of the Methodist circuit. I should be of the age and experience to be a king, and soon ready to dispense the life-long wisdom of a sage. But I'm not convinced I'm ready. I've not been tested as a warrior by hard spiritual battles on the way. I still find pleasure (see above list of passions) in the simple adventures of the cowboy.

I also felt a little envious of the author's apparent ability to hear answers from God when he had prayed. Why doesn't God speak to me like that? Well yesterday he did. I almost missed it as I was reading through the Old Testament lectionary reading for the coming Sunday. But something made me stop and re-read Jeremiah 15:19. It sounded very much as if God was speaking to me and giving me hope that it's not too late to change - for example, to let go of my addiction to trivial leisure pursuits and use the time more wisely in taking up more important spiritual challenges.

"Therefore this is what the Lord says: If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman."

We are not alone

This is one of those obvious things everybody knows, but which doesn't always sink in. We are not alone. Or to be more accurate: the thought which has gradually penetrated my skull this morning (as I was reading about God acting as a father to us) is that "I am not alone". Most of my life I behave as if everything was up to me either to sort out or to put up with. This is not true. The point of having a heavenly Father is that he actively wants to help me. He wants to show me the best path to follow. He wants to give me the knowledge and experience I need to walk that path. He wants to join me on the journey and do for me some of the things I can't (yet) do for myself.

Hopefully, by writing down these basic and already-known truths, I will remember the full impact of them. Even in such a mundane job as going through the accumulated post (the next task looming large on the horizon) God is with me to guide, train and participate.