The true God is no burden

Bel and Nebo have to be carried around. (Isaiah 46) They are a burden to their followers. So when I am facing (for example) having to pick up a Bible in the morning for devotional purposes and I am sighing inwardly and thinking "Here we go again. I suppose I better just gird up my loins and get it over with" perhaps the god I'm dealing with is not the true God. If what I'm doing is burdensome, then something is seriously wrong. I'm dealing with idols not God.

My dealings with God should be marked by a sense of freedom and joyful anticipation. He is not like Bel and Nebo. Just the opposite. In Isaiah 46:4 he reminds me "I have made you and I will carry you."

The Utter Relief of Holiness

I'm at a two day residential meeting for Methodist Superintendent ministers. I'd not read the programme carefully enough, so the two and a half hours of free time have caught me by surprise. Instead of settling down to another crossword or some iPad game I decided to finish reading The Utter Relief of Holiness by John Eldredge. I've now finished it and reflected a bit on it - and it's time to record my thoughts in a blog entry.

First, what do I need relief from? Answer - feelings of addiction to self-indulgence and frustration at inadequate ministry.

To be specific, I give in too easily to nibbles between meals and I enjoy the thought (and taste) of large portions at mealtimes. After a long lunch break I too often shut my eyes for forty winks and a good part of the early afternoon slips by. My current hobby (table top board games), whilst fun and wholesome (if you don't count the deviousness, ruthlessness, deception and aggression), is in danger of becoming an obsession. The problem is not so much that I enjoy games when I get to play them, but that I spend a lot of time thinking about them, anticipating the pleasure, listening to podcasts, watching youtube reviews and so on.

The problem with all the above is that the momentary pleasure I get from enjoying myself is often followed by a sense of guilt that I have been way too self-indulgent.

Then there are my failings in ministry. Not enough pastoral visiting. Inadequately prepared leading of worship. Long lists of jobs, many of which will simply not get done. Meetings at which I have to make excuses for action points not accomplished. The biggest frustration is the knowledge that I could have done better if I had used my time more efficiently.

OK, so what has John Eldredge taught me (or rather, what does Jesus want to teach me through his book) about finding relief from all this?

1.  The only benefit of feeling guilty about the above frustrations is if it motivates me to do something to change my life. Merely wallowing in guilt will not accomplish much. In fact, if I wanted to be really honest in my judgement, my list of sins could be a lot worse. You will have to take my word for this, dear blog-reader, but when it comes to confessing my sins I've pretty much covered everything already. I have no other dark secrets.

So I could shrug my shoulders and carry on the way I am but stop feeling guilty about it. Or a better idea is that I could, as Mr E advises, ask Jesus to give me his holiness.

2. Perhaps the biggest obstacle to get over is to realise that life doesn't have to continue as it has in the past. When Jesus promised to set us free, he really did mean that he could break any hold that sin has over us. It's as if I had a 'protect from evil' card to play every time there was an attack on my life. Wouldn't it be great to live a holy life and not have to be so frustrated about my failings? Yes - and Jesus makes it possible! So step one is to believe it, ask for forgiveness, ask for a new start, ask for holiness, ask for protection from temptation, and trust that I really do have a free choice NOT to do what I've done before.

OK, done that - now what?

3. No doubt I will have to keep praying as above in order for this new-found holiness to take root in my life. Meanwhile there are a number of simple things I can do to avoid temptation to self-indulgence and to focus on more effective use of time. Especially recognising that some of the listed frustrations are inter-linked.

a) Whenever I feel like eating snacks, or taking a post-prandial nap, or wasting time on computer trivia, I need to remind myself that these things are not inevitably going to happen. Just because the idea of them has entered my head doesn't mean I must do them. I have a choice. With a quick prayer and a good decision I can avoid them.

b) Regarding board games. I don't want to give this up as a hobby. And I don't think I need to. But I do need to restrict my enjoyment to those times when I can actually play games with friends (or sometimes solitaire) and to the occasional podcast or youtube video during times of relaxation (not during working hours). Between nine in the morning and ten at night (or whenever the evening meetings are over) I should be focussing on other important aspects of life. In other words - don't think so much about board games!

c) Love God and love others. Holiness is not about avoiding bad things, it's about spending time and energy on good things. Every time I have to make a decision about what to do next (and I'm thinking mainly of day time and work time, though a similar principle could apply to times of relaxation too), I should be asking myself what will be pleasing to God and helpful to others. What will meet the needs of the people at church? My own family? The wider community? I may not be able to achieve everything on my to-do list, but if I've spent my energies on things which matter, then at least I will feel I've achieved something worthwhile.

d) Get to bed by 11:00 whenever I can. It's good to relax for a while at the end of the day, but not at the expense of late nights and feeling tired the next day.

4. That's plenty of thoughts to be going on with. Will it make a difference? Come back to this blog in a week or two and find out.

Good shame, bad shame

John Elderedge (in The Utter Relief of Holiness) has a simple test as to whether the sense of self-reproach, or 'conviction of sin' to use an old-fashioned term, is a good thing or a bad thing. Does it drive you towards God or away? There is a difference between the sense of unworthiness which leads to forgiveness and restoration and the sense of unworthiness which leads to misery and self-loathing.

I immediately thought of Simon Peter's reaction to Jesus at the large catch of fish - "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" (Luke 5:8) By the above criteria this was a bad kind of shame he was feeling. But then I remembered the first part of that verse - "When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said..." Given that actions speak louder than words I think Simon was feeling the right kind of shame after all - the kind which drove him to seek Jesus and be transformed.

Just pretend I'm not here

A parent wanders into a room where their offspring is engaged in some activity. The offspring pauses, hoping the parent will take the hint and leave. The parent carries on with some business in the background saying, "Just pretend I'm not here."

It doesn't work. People behave differently when other people are around. Daughters pause the DVD they are watching whilst their father is in the room. Drivers watch the speedometer carefully whilst the police car is visible in the rear view mirror. Employees are circumspect about their opinions on the workplace whilst the boss is lurking in earshot.

Perhaps that is why God chooses not to make his presence felt for so much of our lives. He doesn't want us to feel that we have to be on our best behaviour because we are being watched. Perhaps he is waiting for us to get to know him well enough that we welcome his presence and long to have him around us - as lovers do for their beloved. Then, when we are living to please him because we want to please him and not because we are nervous of his disapproval, he will make his presence known more clearly.

(above thoughts inspired by John Ortberg's book "The me I want to be")