The Utter Relief of Holiness

I'm at a two day residential meeting for Methodist Superintendent ministers. I'd not read the programme carefully enough, so the two and a half hours of free time have caught me by surprise. Instead of settling down to another crossword or some iPad game I decided to finish reading The Utter Relief of Holiness by John Eldredge. I've now finished it and reflected a bit on it - and it's time to record my thoughts in a blog entry.

First, what do I need relief from? Answer - feelings of addiction to self-indulgence and frustration at inadequate ministry.

To be specific, I give in too easily to nibbles between meals and I enjoy the thought (and taste) of large portions at mealtimes. After a long lunch break I too often shut my eyes for forty winks and a good part of the early afternoon slips by. My current hobby (table top board games), whilst fun and wholesome (if you don't count the deviousness, ruthlessness, deception and aggression), is in danger of becoming an obsession. The problem is not so much that I enjoy games when I get to play them, but that I spend a lot of time thinking about them, anticipating the pleasure, listening to podcasts, watching youtube reviews and so on.

The problem with all the above is that the momentary pleasure I get from enjoying myself is often followed by a sense of guilt that I have been way too self-indulgent.

Then there are my failings in ministry. Not enough pastoral visiting. Inadequately prepared leading of worship. Long lists of jobs, many of which will simply not get done. Meetings at which I have to make excuses for action points not accomplished. The biggest frustration is the knowledge that I could have done better if I had used my time more efficiently.

OK, so what has John Eldredge taught me (or rather, what does Jesus want to teach me through his book) about finding relief from all this?

1.  The only benefit of feeling guilty about the above frustrations is if it motivates me to do something to change my life. Merely wallowing in guilt will not accomplish much. In fact, if I wanted to be really honest in my judgement, my list of sins could be a lot worse. You will have to take my word for this, dear blog-reader, but when it comes to confessing my sins I've pretty much covered everything already. I have no other dark secrets.

So I could shrug my shoulders and carry on the way I am but stop feeling guilty about it. Or a better idea is that I could, as Mr E advises, ask Jesus to give me his holiness.

2. Perhaps the biggest obstacle to get over is to realise that life doesn't have to continue as it has in the past. When Jesus promised to set us free, he really did mean that he could break any hold that sin has over us. It's as if I had a 'protect from evil' card to play every time there was an attack on my life. Wouldn't it be great to live a holy life and not have to be so frustrated about my failings? Yes - and Jesus makes it possible! So step one is to believe it, ask for forgiveness, ask for a new start, ask for holiness, ask for protection from temptation, and trust that I really do have a free choice NOT to do what I've done before.

OK, done that - now what?

3. No doubt I will have to keep praying as above in order for this new-found holiness to take root in my life. Meanwhile there are a number of simple things I can do to avoid temptation to self-indulgence and to focus on more effective use of time. Especially recognising that some of the listed frustrations are inter-linked.

a) Whenever I feel like eating snacks, or taking a post-prandial nap, or wasting time on computer trivia, I need to remind myself that these things are not inevitably going to happen. Just because the idea of them has entered my head doesn't mean I must do them. I have a choice. With a quick prayer and a good decision I can avoid them.

b) Regarding board games. I don't want to give this up as a hobby. And I don't think I need to. But I do need to restrict my enjoyment to those times when I can actually play games with friends (or sometimes solitaire) and to the occasional podcast or youtube video during times of relaxation (not during working hours). Between nine in the morning and ten at night (or whenever the evening meetings are over) I should be focussing on other important aspects of life. In other words - don't think so much about board games!

c) Love God and love others. Holiness is not about avoiding bad things, it's about spending time and energy on good things. Every time I have to make a decision about what to do next (and I'm thinking mainly of day time and work time, though a similar principle could apply to times of relaxation too), I should be asking myself what will be pleasing to God and helpful to others. What will meet the needs of the people at church? My own family? The wider community? I may not be able to achieve everything on my to-do list, but if I've spent my energies on things which matter, then at least I will feel I've achieved something worthwhile.

d) Get to bed by 11:00 whenever I can. It's good to relax for a while at the end of the day, but not at the expense of late nights and feeling tired the next day.

4. That's plenty of thoughts to be going on with. Will it make a difference? Come back to this blog in a week or two and find out.