Some niggling little disappointments

The sun is shining and I stand at the dawn of a day off. So why am I feeling slightly frustrated with life?

Is it because efficiency has its limitations? These last two days I have had two services, a drama rehearsal, a staff meeting, a song workshop and a family worship planning group. I have worked diligently to prepare all these events and have even managed to fit in a hospital visit. I have no qualms about my performance level. I have used my time well. But it is not enough. I have not been able to make any impact on my growing backlog of post and email. From teatime tonight I have a further series of events and meetings that, together with their preparation, will mean I have no time for admin or pastoral work until Thursday afternoon.

Is it because my attempts at leadership have met with limited success? a) The first of our joint staff meetings (with ministers from the circuit we are soon to join with) was intended to be a chance for mutual support and encouragement. Yet we ended up moaning about Methodism (as an organisation) and I sensed that at times people were getting a little annoyed with one another. b) I have been introducing recorded backing tracks to some of the modern songs in our worship, which is better quality than I can provide on the guitar or the organist on the organ. Yet people complain that it is too slow, or too fast, or too confusing. Arrangements designed for churches who like to savour the worship and repeat choruses don't seem to appeal to churches who prefer to get on and sing the song without fuss. c) I had prepared a possible outline for this Sunday's parade service, but after discussion by the family worship planning group, we abandoned it for a different approach which had us bogged down for most of the evening.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain." (Psalm 127) It is not enough for me to be efficient or imaginative. I also need to be working alongside God. Maybe I am. Maybe what I am feeling is the same frustration God feels when he doesn't get the results he hopes for from his people. Maybe I am still in my apprenticeship and need to learn what doesn't work in order to discover what does. Maybe I just need to realise that I don't have total control over life - there are others whose attitudes, desires and needs contribute to the results of my efforts. In any case, I now feel a little less frustrated and can get on with enjoying my day off with S.